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October 11, 2005

Victory is NOT mine...

.. its God's. It is His Spirit who reminds me of my commitments to love my enemies. The tiniest thing happened yesterday. I've been a calm New York driver for months now. Yesterday someone honked at me while I was stopped at a red light. For those of you who don't know, in NYC there is no turn on red, unless a sign tells you otherwise. I was at one of the rare intersections that allow turning right on red. I didn't go because some people were crossing the street and after that I would've hit oncoming traffic if I went. Well, sometimes people really don't notice the sign and they never turn right no matter how clear it is, so people behind them start honking. I got honked at while I was waiting for a clearing in traffic. The guy assumed that I didn't know about the "turning is allowed" rule.

For the first time in months, my New York road rage crept its way in and I was ready to do whatever I could to annoy that guy. Images of me following him, tailgating and honking endlessly crossed my mind. God's presence kicked in and told me to pray for him. Nothing in me wanted to. I resisted all my temptations and asked God to bless that man. I asked that he could safely and quickly get where he needed to go and to give him strength to overcome his stressful life situations. As I prayed, I began to feel peace and a true desire for that man's welfare. Only the Spirit of God can do that.

I felt so powerless to overcome my anger. The only thing I could do was ask God. Victory does not feel victorious, it feels humbling. Thank you, God, for placing that man in my life to reveal my weakness.

Posted by fabijo at 12:14 AM | Comments (4)

October 07, 2005

Last Night's Dreams

Here goes my journal entry I just finished writing:

10/7/2005
11:11am

Two strange dreams last night that I need to record.

First:

I was driving to "The Cup", a cafe in Long Island, by myself, except that I was talking to someone. I tried to cut through a parking lot, but the gate was closed, and I realized that I probably shouldn't drive through it anyway because its a post office. Oh, and it was night time. I parked the car on Sunrise Highway. I grabbed two jars of spaghetti sauce from the car, along with a small rug. I had the impression that I was trying to surprise Glaucia with all this. I wondered if I should put the two jars on the rug and carry it like a sack. I was afraid of doing that because the jars might fall, so I held one jar under my right arm against my side, the other in my right hand, and the rug I had bunched up in my left hand. I kept adjusting the rug and never felt satisfied with how I was holding it as I walked.

I walked through the outside of a restaurant, passing between many tables. Nobody was present, except one person inside the restaurant cleaning. I saw him through a window. I could tell people had been eating because the tables had small messes on them - like two glasses with ice and a little soda in them.

The street with the cafe was dark. When I got to the cafe, the door would not open. I saw a peice of cardboard on the door, written on with a green marker or crayon. I can't remember the exact words, but it said something like, "Keep trying. We like feely." I took it to mean, "Use your whole body's effort, we like touchy feely." All the lights were off and nobody was around, so I knew they were closed.

Like I said, I was by myself, but I was still talking to somebody (or two somebodies). They had a voice that I heard and a presence I could feel, but they were not physically present. It was their presence and voice that had the most impact on me.

When I was walking through the tables outside the restaurant, they were sounding anxious, nervous, worried, scared. Saying things like, "Why did everybody leave?"
"What's aboout to happen?"
"Oh no, they all left because something is going to happen."

It was like this over and over again. I was able to ignore them when I walked between the tables. When I got to the closed cafe, their worries were starting to have me think. And as I walked back toward the car - this time going on the sidewalk around the restaurant - the world began getting darker. Their worries seemed stronger, always persisting with the same phrases. I fought hard to keep walking without running in fear. I kept telling myself that I'll just get to the car in a little bit - I'm almost there.

I was never afraid of the voices. They felt like normal presences. Instead, I was almost feeling the same fears and worries that these voices had.

Then I woke up because Glaucia woke me up.

The second dream is not as detailed, though it has its own details, but covers a wider range of time.

Over a short time - I don't know if it means once a day, once a week, or once a month - there were several terrorist explosions. Each time it was in a public place, but seemed to be in parks or just outside of some woods. Each time, the explosion was caused by a bomb buried under the dirt. On top of the dirt where the bomb was buried, there was a small half circle made by four or five smooth stones. The stones were a little smaller than a cinder block. In the middle of the half-circle of stones was another stone about the same size as the others. Each explosion seemed to be set off by a curious person wondering what the arrangements of rocks was about. I also remember people having picnics around the bomb sites. I think this set up worked about 4 or 5 times. People were getting tired of these attacks and were begging for peace.

As a call for peace, a big concert was held in a large grassy area. Many people were around. I was also there. I watched as U2 was on the stage with some public figures. They weren't playing music yet; I think they were about to get started and had a few words to say before beginning. I think the president of the U.S. was also on stage with them.

Suddenly, an explosion blew the back of the stage into pieces. It knocked the people on stage to the ground; people were screaming in fear. Debris flew toward the audience over the heads of the performers. I saw people fleeing the park. Bono and the rest of the band walked out of the park towards where the back of the audience would've been. He walked past me shaking his head, looking angry, not scared.

Later, it was discovered that just behind the stage was the exact same rock formation covering the bomb. I remember feeling very frustrated and exclaimed, "Don't people learn?"

--------------------

So, those were the dreams. I just saw the news about a real threat at Penn Station, and they are blocking off certain areas. I also saw that there was a bomb scare at a Rolling Stones concert in Virginia last night. Now I'm wondering if I should be looking for interpretations to these dreams. I've got my thoughts, but I'd like to hear how crazy people think I am before I express my thoughts! So, post away as you put your Freudian hat on.

Posted by fabijo at 12:52 PM | Comments (5)