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May 16, 2005

Seeing God

Today was a great day. I went to Emmaus Baptist Church here in OKC. A guy named R. from my FAA class came with me. We first went to Sunday school where I got to share a brief version of my testimony. Also, we got to hear the testimony of someone else who had a close, powerful experience with God. It's always a great way to start a day being able to hear of something God is doing in someone's life.

Then worship service was awesome. I've been working on forgetting the world and only focusing on Jesus. It felt like such victory singing "I Believe in Him". While singing, the Spirit was revealing more glimpses of Jesus. His joy was filling my body as I praised Him. I was nearly laughing as I sang. I don't think I was ever that unashamed of the joy of looking only at Him. God is finally getting through to me that my holding onto some guilt has hindered me from experiencing the pouring out of His Spirit.

Back in December of 1995, God poured out such an abundant amount of love into my heart. It happened when I accidently walked into a worship service in a little storefront in San Diego, CA. I saw a small group of people singing true praises to God. They were whole-heartedly lifting up Jesus in their songs. I just stood there amazed at the sight, because I could see that these people knew God. I didn't even think these people were people; I thought they were angels. I tried to clap to the music, but I just could not emulate their love for God. My heart started going through a bunch of emotions. I was getting angry because nobody was coming up to me and explaining how I could praise like that. Before long, I just broke down into tears. I have never cried like that in my entire life, neither before then nor since. It was like dying -- and I was dying. As I cried, I asked God not to leave me alone. Just then, a man came to me, hugged me, and told me to let it all out. As I weeped, I could feel my soul dying, but at the same time it was being filled with a new Spirit -- God's Holy Spirit. After a while, my tears were gone and I felt new. The guy asked me if I knew Jesus. At that point, there was a new presence surrounding me and filling me. I told him that if this is who Jesus is, then I do know Him. Next, the guy told me not to be afraid but to follow the lead of the Spirit. I could physically feel the Spirit leading me to drop to the floor flat on my face and worship.

At that point, I got afraid. It was already "bad" enough that a Marine friend of mine saw me crying. I was too afraid to look like a crazy nut out of my mind praising God. So I ran out of the place. Just that decision to disobey the Spirit has worked on me for so many years. I'm only now letting go of that guilt. For some reason, I believed the lie that I could never walk in step with the Spirit because I missed my chance when He was very clear. The truth is finally starting to sink in about how good God is. Learning to walk in the Spirit is similar to learning how to walk with our feet. When my kids fell trying to walk, I didn't tell them that they'll never walk right because they fell the first time they tried. If I, a mere human, can be understanding when my kid falls, how much more understanding can God be. Remember how loving He is -- He sent His own Son to become our sin and to die as sin, just for us.

I've been reminded a few times of Paul's words recently in Philippians 3:13,14:

Brethren, I do not regard myself as having laid hold of it yet; but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.

God's kingdom is coming. I look forward to the day when the blinders are removed and we can see Him for who He really is. We have the promise that those of us who are holding onto that hope will become like Him. Amen.

Posted by fabijo at May 16, 2005 01:11 AM

Responses

Posted by: FabSr at May 16, 2005 06:44 AM

Posted by: fabijo at May 16, 2005 07:19 AM

Posted by: FabSr at May 16, 2005 10:31 AM